Cinderella Umbrella
There once was a girl, Cinderella Who tripped over her Aunt’s umbrella She copped a prong up her nose Which hurt, you’d suppose For it stopped her cleaning the cellar.
Entries by anotherliverpoolpoet
Nurse Freda the Bleeder
There once was a nurse called Freda Who turned into a bit of a bleeder When she pulled out the syringe Sprayed blood made everyone cringe So no one bleedin’ needed her!
Her Pantomime Knickers
There once was a Pantomime Dame Whose huge knickers attracted great fame When flashing these incredible drawers She could count on manic applause For the Panto was stunningly tame.
The Van Man
There once was an artist delightful Whose character never was spiteful He resembled Van Gogh With one helluva cough Making all of his paintings quite frightful.
Paparazzi Patsy
There once was a flash paparazzi So charmless he never said “Grazzi” When he snapped the wrong dude And was so foolishly rude He shipped a sharp slap; what a patsy!
Who Might This Be?
Sad the vain man who never ran Smoothing his mind with an oil can Whose ideas never could be budged Never made slippy and never fudged Never sweet thinking in our cleaner air But somehow trapped under the stair Never alive to each morning’s story Trapped in a vortex whirling in fury Finding grave fault […]
The Untruthful Chorus Master
Sang the chorus master to his choir ‘I don’t quite know where I’ve been to I’ve written this song that might aspire To a masterpiece born in the lean-to’. The choir responded with something tonal That their chorus master was a just a fraud For the composer was surely Señor Gronal Coming not from a […]
Prince George Rides Out
Prince George, indeed our lovely George Feels his steely armour strappings Snap in place And mounted now, the Prince surveys His mighty host laid out before him And moist his eye accepting loyalty From this warrior multitude. We shall not fail him, we have sworn Only triumph, majesty and justice Shall adorn our newest Prince […]
The Castle Garden Another Day
Glancing rightward from the hefty bench through thickets of dog rose Towards the yellowed, mellowed castle Feathered speedsters hurtle past, not silent but on fast, burring wings While beady-eyed multitudes, hidden in bushy, flowery places give voice In tongues we know not of, living life in this glorious walled garden Singing cantatas and requiems, chit-chattering […]
Ballerina Concertina
There once was a sweet ballerina Who was loved by all who had seen her When she leapt up on her toes There came a rent in her hose As she snagged on the band’s concertina.
Summer Garden – The Blackbird Sings
Alongside, calling through a billowing swell of roses Sang a blackbird And I caught his thought and saw his song proposes This garden holds more tunes than I have ever heard. And then I caught his eye, gleaming with such intent To make us understand His piercing note foretold a coming nightmare urgent We […]
Summer Garden
At last, a drenching sun held the high walled garden In dappling embrace Where droney bees toured lavenders Awash with nectared perfume. And countless flowers threw themselves up, up towards The blinding, fiery light Exuding scents gushing yet dallying In breathless air as we, enchanted, trod narrow, blissful paths. Such clingy warmth made the castle […]
Bravo! Bravo! Goddammit!
Goddammit though Goddammit!! Bitter is the taste Of grudging praise When every seething sinew Strains In the opposite direction. That flamin’ Aussie Conquering Flailed emotions Killing off Our dogs of war And lays about him, Buccaneering Aussie. When all was flamin’ set To trounce, devour, incinerate Our dearest Aussie foes And heap bright […]
Did Your Hair Wash Nicely This Morning?
Did your hair wash nicely this morning? Or was that peroxide melting the bowl? Were your curlers not shouting a warning? That where once there was hair, there’s a hole!
Barbara of Mill Hill
Barbara, Barbara, Swooning near the candelabra Always suspected she was only One or two misunderstandings Away from being accepted As an Opera In her own right. The Barber Of Seville Refused Baritonally At the end of a trill To enlighten her. Oh, where to look? Unlocking Perhaps the attic Pursuing this most Operatically […]
Blind Faith: 1914
(Condemning the Guilty Hierarchy of One Hundred Years Ago) When I at last surmount the top in hasty, tumbling terror And perish in a screaming hail of hurtling, furious steel I trust my General weeps at my devastating, fatal error As he witnessed me, but how sadly did he generally feel? You fool! […]
An Aftermath of Tears
Present arms! The spectral sergeant of the drill echoing across the punished land As rustlings of grim murmuring sprang like odour from the choking, weeping grass ‘Then add our legs, our knees, our feet, our eyes and ears and much more to hand’ The dead, fragmented whisperers said. And so, this army of the dead […]
From This World to the Next: 1917
Ripped from shoulder to waist by villainous shrapnel Lay the lad In his own cooling pool of blood, pleading to be shot Prayed the lad. As I watched, Death absorbed him as many another But not before his call of surprise and joy for ‘Mother!’ Cried the lad As he understood she waited there, […]
Sgt Harold Slocombe RHA
Sgt Harold Slocombe RHA Great-Uncle Harold, who lived until two weeks before his 106th birthday, recounted his experiences on the Western Front. It was he who told us of the troops’ three main hatreds in the terrifying conditions in which they found themselves in the trenches or with the artillery to the immediate rear. Surprisingly, […]
Silly Frilly Nonsense
Silly Husband, silly, silly Bought his wife a frilly frilly When she wore it for another He upped and went to live with Mother.
Witch Broom Boom
There once was a witch of Tarporley Who became unfortunately poorly When mounting her broom She soon made sonic boom But smashingly crashed near Chorley.
Dat Macbeth’s One of Us, La!
When Macca came ter Liverpewl ‘E turned around an’ said Dem judies at de Grafton Wud look dead good in bed. Wid all dat fancy talkin’ Wid all dat fancy slang ‘E got a mind ter sling dat kilt An’ join dat Scouser gang. An’ so Macbeth, ter break away Came ‘ere ter […]
Grafton Judies Hail Macbeth
Grafton judies clocked our Macca’s charms An’ hasty-like slammed in fresh bubble-gum Many judies shimmied in ‘is red an’ ‘airy arms An’ fantasised about ‘is crackin’ kilted bum. But Macca couldn’ grasp de Grafton lingo Our chewin’, darlin’ judies quickly uttered Mobbed by grisly grannies ‘ere for bingo Many a falsie bosom ‘eaved and […]
Amalda, Booze and Party-time Collide
Unfortunate Amalda Potts Dosed up on beer and cider Unpleasantly she got the trots Only drunks would sit beside her. She vowed a vow to end all vows She vowed a vow to heaven She vowed she’d drink what came from cows At least till half-past seven. But Amalda Potts, a tad unstable […]
Miss Amanda Milinthrop the First
Miss Amanda Milinthrop the First Developed a substantial thirst Resulting in her looking bleary Hoping mates still find her cheery. She loves the thrill of gin and tonic Although affected something chronic Dancing on or slumped under table To cope with booze she wasn’t able. Miss Amanda Milinthrop the very First Screwballed when […]