I’m th’ master of me golden ale An’ that’s th’ way to be But should it lead to th’ olden jail I’d run away to sea. Yet I’d be back, no need to frown I’d race me home for thee I’d dance a jig from Bridport town To clasp thee on me knee. An’ home […]
I once knew a most noble Venetian Whose honour was above suspicion Until he performed on a gondola moored With the wife of Senator Luigi aboard Since when he’s pretended contrition.
I’ve struggled to reach Kilrenny While desperate to spend a penny Cross-legged contortions Strained the body’s proportions And gave one hell of a shock to poor Jenny!
There once was a Count of Belgrade Who appeared remarkably staid Until, after whisky Undressed and right frisky The housemaids were acutely afraid.
I’m just a plain old teddy bear Long in age but short of hair Who has been launched far into space By a furious friend who thought it ‘ace’ To hurl me at another child Who ducked and launched me back and smiled Then shot me through the open door And so I skidded on […]
His children hold close The Arctic Star Gleaming new With bright ribbon, Conjecturing. Roaring night embraces Each shuddering hulk Battling to the death A fearsome, screaming ice Now beckoning. No lessening of the dread Hunting and pummelling And surrendering Unto the life hereafter Of valiant men. Within this heaving Hell Of hilly seas Screaming, slavering, […]
Do you ever get that uneasy sense of dislocation? And feel the world just wishes to impinge On idle fascination with your chronic inflammation As nurse advances with the ultra big syringe. Such jumbled thoughts quick tumble in rotation As Nursey’s jab is more than just a twinge She shows a grinning pleasure at my […]
There once was a chef known as Luca Who fell out of love with his cooker When his lamb shanks and risotto burnt to a frazzle He spotted his menus had lost most of their dazzle So slipped off to the pub to play snooker.
[Monday, 10th November 2014 – at the Tower of London] On finding you Standing proud A single, scarlet poppy Quite ceramic Not waving At the loving crowd Who come but tenderly In droves, remembering With inward tears Lost youth The splintered age Still jabbing accusation At such monstrous waste Of precious souls. Today through misty […]
When Bill became the Kaiser the world began to shout His brain was stuffed with thoughts of fame and extra sauerkraut He waxed his tash and broke his toys and stamped his foot in glee Ten million men would meet their fate on the whim of his devilry. [Except, of course, it wasn’t just old […]
There once was a Kaiser called Bill Whose brain box was over the hill When he thought he could fight in his undies and vest He was in for a fright when he was put to the test As he ended up catching a chill.
There once was a crèche of royal cousins Whose joint IQs scored only in dozens When they preened and panted for all-out war They found that the generals couldn’t keep score As the dead on all sides counted in millions.
Poem 1 Uncle Albert – The Unlived Life We called him ‘Uncle’ although he wasn’t that For he lived next door and wore a trilby hat And for fifty years being the fast-walking dead He walked all day with a shell-shocked head. He’s absent from any war memorial stone Although no memorial could ever atone […]
Poem 2 The Staring Man From his sister’s house steps out the staring man Shocked speechless by the juddering shells Some fifty years before Seeing not the playing child Who, studying the ramrod man but fleetingly Sees him marching ahead and only ahead Towards his daily, unconnected world again. Only now does the former child […]
An elderly friend’s father volunteered for the Army in 1914 [probably the Cheshire Regiment], was trained, sent to the Front, wounded in the head by shrapnel and repatriated to England for recovery. He had not yet reached his 15th birthday. He was in my mind when I wrote of ‘the youngest, early-dying boys and men’ […]
And the Dark Lord cometh Across the heavens Vaulting empires Across mountains Burning cultures Seeking peaceful people Unaware Of the arrival of ravening Death. But the Dark Lord is amongst them Joyous Sated Wading in the grotesqueness Of his overwhelming hatred And Satanic will To lay waste the trembling bodies Of the youngest, early-dying boys […]
Let all those historians now abroad Telling us this Great War was just Take note I’m sending you to represent us In the field, so to speak. Except, of course, the field has disappeared Along with every tree and hedge and nearly every rat So you’ll do well to land heavily on a plank And […]
Beware, beware Those flying castles Lying in wait Somewhere beyond The garden gate. Revolutionary In their defiance Of Einstein Who Like the rest of us Is gravitationally A prisoner. But they Freed from a tiresome whim Of a fanciful god Hurtle Tardis-like Somewhere Just beyond. They might plague us Hoping to entice us To […]
There once was a flying hyena Who hoped that no one had seen her When flying outside on a wild, windy night Her nightdress billowed and gave her a fright Revealing her strange misdemeanour.
There once was a young gentleman trapezer Whose secret love was The Daring Louisa When she flashily flew one hundred feet high Her sequins and tights were a treat for his eye So Macca took many a risk trying to please her. Came the night they performed in Stockholm […]
There once was a young teacher of Drama Whose actor boyfriend would often alarm her As while only an extra he could handle his spear But she yearned for the night he would just disappear For the male star had found a way to quite charm her.
They’re coming to the rescue; they’re coming to my aid Crushed, stunned and gasping, heart heavy as a stone I’m lost, I’m horrified, my God, I’m shivered to the bone. I’ve just experienced terror; I’ve sensed the power of Death I’ve grabbed the hand that held me steely strong And what is more, I’ve […]
I looked out of my bedroom window And what did I see? A pair of eyes looking back at me The fox I’m sure just smiled below. I waved and grinned to show my love And what did I see? A fox cub so pleased to feel so free While I looked down from […]
Reaching fifty? Oh, what a bore! Stunners glancing at the floor Seeing me wrinkly and so mature Devalued by my roaring snore No longer flashing up a score A frumpy grump and what’s more Returning laden from the corner store Unpacking Domestos, not Allure Finding joy in a household chore The mirror reflects a mother-in-law […]
The piled up sandstone names Carved there, glaring Aghast at how their sacrifice Is wasted, profligately. Their sandstone voices shunned Their calls unheard Barking condemnation At the shallow makers Of national policy Who, unmindful of them Steer our country towards Rocks of madness. And yet with honeyed words And sleeky mouthings Our politicians Duck, bow […]