Ever so high on the dusty wardrobe top
Entirely motionless for ever so long
Sat a furious hat in a silent strop
But to whom did this splendid hat belong?

You couldn’t tell what the hat resembled
So wrapped in tissue with its muslin furled
But it missed the wedding then assembled
And lay unused in its own private world.

Now suddenly life changed for the snoozing hat
Down from a height, unwrapped on the table
She heard a voice cry, “Just look at that!”
As hat and wrappings made the table unstable.

Her silky grey tower showed no sign of ageing
No sign of fade and with lace exquisitely plain
Just a lack of occasion worthy of staging
Is this the hour she’ll be resplendent again?

With late hopes of glory improved by a daughter
Whose cool eye sensed an alternative morrow
At Barnardo’s, where the daughter brought her
Beckoned hen nights aplenty to buy or to borrow.

Amazingly so, our hat enjoyed her new hobby
Taking to hen nights with consummate ease
A drenching by Prosecco and arrest by a Bobby
Couldn’t alarm her, she’d become a real tease.


Give back the rock
Send back the frock
The wedding’s off
The wedding’s off!

Urgent action take
To freeze the cake
The wedding’s off
The wedding’s off!

Cancel the flowers
And hats like towers
This wedding’s off
This wedding’s off!

Forget those classy photo-shoots
Email those who are in cahoots
There’s now no need
No need for greed.

No need for fancy, sleek limousines
Or many vulgar unpleasant scenes
All’s cancelled now
There’ll be no vow.

The Vicar’s booking terminated
And all that we have instigated
The church and all the rest is off
And afterwards what’s posh is off.

My God, the fab reception must be scrapped
The vol-au-vents and veggie burgers bapped
Such extensive and expensive waste
Of all the finest dining taste.

The role of mother-in-law suspended
And all that artificial joy pretended
All over now though she’s in shock
All over now for her snazzy frock.

Return all bookings for the honeymoon
There’s none to celebrate or swoon
But hold on fast! A twist exploding!
A thunderbolt that needs decoding.

Good Lord! Reverse all recent actions
The wedding’s on, what contradictions
Get set for massive retro-action
Fast forward fragrant satisfaction!

The rock, the frock and all the rest
The flowers, the Vicar full of jest
Shall save the day and let us pray
Just as before, let others pay.

The mother-in-law and all her rivals
Can weep and pray for marriage survivals
And make more hay in the shining sun
Who’s the culprit with the smoking gun?

Who’s to blame for this freak disaster?
The best man’s as pale as alabaster
It must’ve, could’ve, will’ve been him!
What madness struck? And on a whim?

Or may it have been the groom or bride?
Perhaps there’s something they’d wish to hide?
For all our sakes give them a break
For pity’s sake, for heaven’s sake!

However, now this electric story’s ending
And all our comic disbelief suspending
Love conquers all and all may yet be well
Love conquers, while we are within her spell.

These shocks resolved, there yet remains the thought
That we, as humans, are forever caught
Within the turmoil of some celestial game
Wherein our fates are tossed for others’ fame!


I beseech you, husband
Be kind to me

And I beseech you, wife
Be fond with me

Travel closely with me
And keep me, loving, near

I am with you a lifelong time
Shorelines walked with truest hearts

With mind and soul and body
We face the world complete

And from our loving selves
May new life, joyful, leap.

This day is ours from which all springs
From here begin all our rememberings.